Did I see you with Jesus?

I've been making this blog about my personal experiences with a certain person.  I didn't mean for this to happen, but I let B. into so much of my life, that I'm finding it hard to get memories of him and us out of my head. Especially with the holiday coming up.

I love Halloween.  I love dressing up. I love being scared and watching scary movies and the whole thing. It's during Fall (my favorite season) and it's wonderful.  Halloween 2009 started off like it was going to be awesome.  I was with a guy I was starting to fall for, it was my kiddo's first Halloween, I spent the week before getting my other friend's daughters costumes ready and being altogether in a fantastic holiday mood.  My girl had her first little cold, so she ended up hanging out at G-ma's so I could go out on the town with my friends. My two favorite girls made awesome holiday drinks and we got ready for the night.  B. dressed up as Jesus (the long hair and beard he was already sporting made it awesome) and we got J. ready as a farm girl.  My real friends (the other girls) took off for their party and that left me, J. and B. to head downtown. I noticed some chemistry happening between J. and B. but I was told by both that I was being silly. So the three of us head out for an awesome night of dancing and drinking. Well, it started out that way.  I ended up getting left every 15 minutes or so by the other two for a smoke break.  Then spending another 10 trying to find them.  Not in the alley, not in line to get back in, not upstairs.

I'm smart when I go out.  I stay with my friends, I don't leave my drink unattended, all those things we're told when we reach party age.  During one of my round trips of trying to find my "friends", I was grabbed from behind, pulled into a booth in the Parlor Bar, and was molested by some guy.  His friends stood and blocked us from view of the rest of the crowd--the drink I had was knocked out of my hand by one of the friends.  It was one of the scariest things that's happened to me.  I felt helpless.  I lost my friends, I felt trapped and I knew no one would have been able to hear me over the music.  I don't remember how I finally got away, but I did. Luckily it wasn't anything worse than wandering hands and a forceful kiss.

I finally found the other two and we walked back home.  I remember breaking down in tears a couple times during the walk home.  I didn't tell my friends what had happened so I was put to bed in B.'s room and left alone.  They thought I was too drunk.  Apparently that was also the first night B and J got together--in B's roommate's bed. Classy, huh? When I did finally tell my friends what had happened to me, I was told that I should have said something. I should have screamed--I know everything I should have done. And I froze. The week that followed just seemed to get worse. And that is my new holiday memory. Instead of the fun times that should have happened, I lost two people that I had become really close to, and also had the unpleasant experience of talking to the police later that next week.  I need a new memory- and I also need to forget B. Anyone in blogland have a good way to do that?

Time is on my side. . .

My sister just got married a week ago. School is done, the graduation ceremony is in a week.  I have a wonderful daughter, a promising job (a slow start though) and great friends. So why do I feel like something is missing?  I've been single way more than I've ever been in a relationship.  But it sadly feels like a piece is missing, because I don't have a friend here at my house, what should be our house. I don't like thinking that I need a guy around.  I'm perfectly capable of doing things by myself.  A. is a happy, healthy almost 3 year old and I did that.  I do most of my own handyman repairs and cook and clean and run my house.  But still-something doesn't feel right. I mentioned to my mom that I felt weird being one of the few totally single one's at my sister's wedding.  She said "Having a husband isn't all it's cracked up to be." Yeah, well-you have one! And an awesome one to boot.  One day I want to have more kids-give A. the siblings I was so fortunate to have.  I just need to find a guy up to the challenge of dealing with a girl like me.  I just have to wait.